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Warning: the following contains adult situations and extreme language. If you are easily offended, or just are not old enough legally to be viewing this, please leave now. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! This is a complete work of fiction, any resemblance to persons either alive or dead is pure coincidence, and not intended. This is the first chapter in the story of a college student who changes from a man to a woman. It’s written as a letter he leaves on his computer to be found by who ever notices him missing. I’ve been told that there are times when my writing doesn’t have enough emotion in it. Well I hope this is enough for you.

 

 

The Note- Chapter 3

By Toni Trepasso

 

 

One of the more unfortunate developments in our culture are pressure groups who lobby against the interests of other people. Merely because they dislike what other people think. Some call this tyranny, but I say it’s intolerance, as none are more hopelessly enslaved then those who falsely believe they are free. Things don’t change, we change. To be awake is to be alive. It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters. Others may hate you, but they don’t win unless you hate them back, because then you destroy yourself. There is nothing more terrible then ignorance in action.

*Art is long and time is fleeting and our harts so stout and brave are stilled like muffled drums beating funeral marches to the grave. Life is but a walking shadow. A brief player who struts and frets his hour about the stage and then is heard no more. This is a tail told by an idiot. Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. Have you ever heard a sound but were afraid to listen? If you open your mind, your ears will follow. Have you ever been someplace unfamiliar, and just a little afraid to explore? Stick around, we’ll find a map.

You may be asking yourself by now "what the hell is she talking about?" Well I’ll tell you. Since I’ve been dating Stacy, I’ve found out that I’m now considered a lesbian. I’m still the same person with the same thoughts I’ve always had. The only thing that has changed is my outward appearance. It’s because of this that I get funny looks in the mall for doing something I’ve done since I first started dating girls. What is this? Just holding her hand. It’s shocking to me the number of people who looked at Stacy and I with funny looks that day mom came down and took us shopping. You’d have thought we were both naked or making out in the mall. Well perhaps that might have made things worse, for us at least.

We were asked to leave one of the larger anchor stores because Stacy kissed me when she helped me pick out my first dress. It’s not like we did anything obscene. It was just a peck on the cheek. That’s all. But to look at the sales lady, you’d have thought we fucked in the dressing room. Mom was pissed, but security asked us to leave, and escorted us from the store. We did end up finding some nice outfits, and new shoes for all three of us, but there was a slight problem during lunch.

A woman came over to the table, while we were eating mind you, and started berating Stacy and I for our little exchange in the store we were asked to leave. Mom had a hard time understanding her at first, due to her heavy southern accent. However she soon started to grasp the situation when the woman used the word "fag", while talking to my mother.

"What kind of woman are you to let your daughter become a fag?" the redneck asked. "It’s an abomination to god!" she shouted for the whole restaurant to hear.

Mom kept her cool, though I could see that little vain in her forehead start to throb. I’d seen it many times growing up. THAT my friends was the only warning there was, when mom was about to blow her top. She stood up and looked Ms. High and Mighty in the eyes.

"NOT that it’s any of your business, but what my daughter does with her life is her choice. Last time I checked we still live in the United States of America." mom told her as she started to get on a roll. "We hold these truths to be self evident that all men are created equal, and endowed by the creator with certain inalienable rights. That among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." mom told the woman as all eyes were on her now. "Being friends with this young lady makes my daughter happy. Therefore, it makes ME happy. You coming over to this table and disrupting our meal is an invasion of our liberty. I am going to ask you to leave my sight before I call the police and have you arrested for harassment." mom told her as she sat back down and took a mouthful of her salad.

The woman stormed off and came back a few moments later with the manager, who asked US to leave. Mom started to clench her fist but I stopped her. I grabbed my bags and helped my mom and my girlfriend to their feet. They left and reaching in my wallet, I stuffed a $20 into the managers vest pocket. As I walked past him I whispered in his ear. "Keep the change." as I patted him on the cheek.

Mom was fuming as we went back out into the mall, but we still had a couple of things to pick up. I still needed a swimsuit for the trip to the beach that Helen, Stacy and I were taking before classes started back up. Mom needed to get a new shirt, since she dropped her fork onto it when we got asked to leave the restaurant. So we went into the sporting goods store and Stacy and I went to the swim wear while mom went to see if she could find a replacement for her Yankees jersey she was wearing.

I wish I could say that we didn’t have anymore trouble, but I’d be lying. Once we came out of the store, there was the same woman with her friends and a couple of men in suits, standing there waiting for us. Now being from New York you can guess that the first thing to go through mom’s mind was that she’d pissed off the mob. In a way she was right, but not in the way she thought. These people were more dangerous then the mafia. They were "Born Again’s." A radical sect of Christianity who have zero tolerance for people who are different then they are. Just when we thought we were going to be able to get out of the mall without any more hassle, a large man stepped in front of us and started quoting the bible. (God how I hate going to school in the "bible belt".)

"Thou shall not lay with man in the same way as woman." he told us.

"Uh, does that hold true for lesbians or what?" I asked him almost laughing.

"Don’t you blaspheme in here little girl." he shot back less then happy with me.

"Alright then, whatever happened to love thy neighbor. Or god made man in his own image?" I asked back. "If that is the case, then wouldn’t you be sinning right now for showing intolerance to us? Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

That did it, the woman who confronted us in the restaurant earlier threw a punch at me, connecting, and a melee ensued. I lost sight of mom and Stacy for a few moments, since I was busy trying to fight off a handful of the mob myself. By the time security got there I had knocked one woman out and was being beaten by another while three others held me from being able to defend myself.

I looked around as security broke us up and saw that mom had been getting the same treatment that I was. Then I saw Stacy and my heart sank. There she was laying in a bloody pool on the marble floor, not moving or making a noise. I went to make a move to check on her and one of the guards threw me up against the wall. As I protested and struggled to break free to check on my friend, he cracked me in the head with his knight stick, and my world went black.

I woke up as the paramedics were placing me on the backboard. I struggled to look around but found myself tied down and unable to move. I started calling for Stacy but no one would tell me where she was. They put me in the ambulance and rushed me to the hospital, where I was checked out and told that I had a broken rib. That’s when I heard an alarm go off and watched as nurses and doctors scrambled to another room.

A few minutes later mom came in and closed my door. She had that look in her eyes that told me she was about to tell me something serious, but part of me already knew what she was going to say.

"She’s dead isn’t she?" I asked her as she sat down in the chair near my bed.

"They were able to get her here, but she’d lost a lot of blood from the fight. They just did everything they could to save her, they pushed a blood transfusion as fast as it would go, and shocked her a handful of times."she told me as she started to cry. "I’m sorry hun, they lost her."

I didn’t cry. I know I should have, but I was too mad to be sad. I felt a rage inside me like none I’d never felt before. That little voice in my head was having a battle of it’s own. Part of me was screaming sue them. The other part of me was telling me that wasn’t was Stacy would have wanted. In the end that was the part that won out.

I signed the papers to let me out of the hospital and made my way to the exit. When I got there I saw a sea of reporters waiting, and started to get a little nervous. I walked out and was mobbed with people asking me what happened and who had done this.

"You’ll have to excuse me. A very close friend of mine just died as a result of an attack because a few religious nuts thought it was wrong for two women to be close friends." I told them. "I don’t think I can say anymore since I haven’t yet spoken to the police about the incident. So if you’ll all excuse me I need to go there now."

Mom and I made our way to her car and then went to the police. As soon as I walked in they placed ME under arrest. They charged me with inciting a riot for what happened at the mall. I pled not guilty and knew I was going to get a day in court to tell the world what happened.

Mom hired her friend Tracy who was her lawyer back home. Tracy found security tapes from the mall and we thought it would be a slam dunk with me being found innocent, but the prosecutor had a card he was waiting to play. Tracy put me on the stand last and I simply told the jury what happened. When the DA put me under cross examination he pulled out a folder with and handed it to me. I looked at the identification tab on it and saw my name, which shocked me.

"Ms. Hanczyk can you tell us, have you ever seen a psychologist?" he asked me.

"Yes sir, I saw one last semester at school." I told him not thinking I had anything to hide.

"And can you tell us what you were seeing her for?" he asked back.

"I believe that is none of your business."

He turned to the judge, and asked, "Your honor, permission to treat as hostile?" To which the judge nodded, and he continued to me.

"Isn’t it true that you tried to kill yourself?"

"No, I never actually tried to kill myself. Yes I did think about it, but a couple of good friends showed me that it was not the answer to my problem at the time." I replied as calmly as I could.

"And by problem you mean having a sex change?" he asked back.

"Objection!" shouted Tracy

"Over ruled" the judge told her. "Answer the question miss." he told me.

"I didn’t have sexual reassignment surgery if that is what you are asking." I told the jury.

"Yet you did change from a man to a woman?" he asked pulling out a copy of my old student I.D. "May I present exhibit 20, a student identification card." he said handing it to me. Can you read off the name on this card?" he asked.

"Robert Hanczyk. This is my old card." I said.

"But you just said you didn’t have a sex change." he told the jury.

"Yes. I did change into a woman. I do not know why I did. But it happened." I answered. "I did NOT have a surgery to change me into a woman. Only God knows why it happened, so just ask him."

"Move to strike your honor?" the DA asked the judge.

"The jury will disregard the defendants last statement." he instructed the jury.

"Can you read what is says, marked in highlighter there." the DA asked me pointing to the file he handed me earlier.

"The subject shows emotional distress, having been raped and beaten." I said.

"And on the next page?" he asked

I read it to myself before I read it out loud. "The subjects mental state is that of server depression but..." he tried to cut me off. "But IS showing progress." I continued past where he had marked on the page.

"So you were depressed and tried to kill yourself. Is that why you attacked that woman in the mall?" he asked me.

"I’m sorry, what? Attacked what woman? Were you watching the same tape as the rest of the room? I had my hands in my pockets on that security tape. I was the one who was struck first." I shot back with a bit of confusion.

"You verbally assaulted her. We heard testimony that you called her names and belittled her religion." he told me.

"No, I never called her anything before she struck me." I told the jury.

"Move to strike this person’s whole testimony your honor. On the grounds of perjury." he told the judge.

"Miss Hanczyk you were sworn to tell the truth." the judge told me.

"It is the truth your honor." I told him. "May I have my cell phone?" I asked.

"What for?"

 

"I recorded the entire incident on the voice recorder." I told him

The judge allowed Tracy to give me my phone and I pulled up the files from the mall.

"Here is where the woman who hit me confronted my mother, my late friend and myself at the restaurant earlier." I said as I played the file into the microphone in front of me. The look on the jurors faces told me that I’d struck a nerve. "And here is when we walked out of the store and were confronted by the woman and her friends." I said as I played that file.

At the end of the file you could hear the woman call me a dyke, in her heavy southern drawl, and then the sound of her fist hitting my face like had been shown earlier in the trial on the security video. The judge looked at the DA who was just looking at me, not really sure what to do next. He just turned to the judge.

"Your honor, in light of this new evidence, the people drop all charges against the defendant."

The judge dismissed the case and I was free to go. Tracy made a copy of the files on my phone and then turned everything over to Stacy’s parents. They thanked us and I told them that I’d be there if they needed me for their case against the mob.

I do miss my friend, but I’m taking it day by day. Some days are easier then others, but I’m getting by. Helen has been there for me, and she and I have become close. Not like Stacy and I were, but it’s good to have someone to turn to when I need to talk. Helen’s a good listener.

I know some of you are asking, "Is she thinking about offing herself again?" NO! Not at all. I’ve dedicated my life to picking up where Stacy left off. I’m an Residents Assistant in my dorm, and devote all my free time to being there for my residents. I take a more proactive approach then the other RA’s do. I actually knock on every door on my floor once a day and check to see how they are doing. The students on my floor seem to appreciate the fact that I’m there and I care about them. I’ve given every resident my room phone number and my cell number. I tell them to just call me. I don’t care what time it is. I’m here for them to talk to at any time, day or night.

I have to go, my cell is going off, and it’s one of my residents.

Bobbi

 

*excerpts taken from William Shakespear

To be continued... (Incomplete)
Toni Trepasso is the author of 3 other stories.

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