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Previously:

"Gail's family, they lied to the doctors. They didn't want to

mess up the family, so they hushed it up." Tina lurched up,

staggering off until she kicked a tree hard enough to knock bark

off it. "THEY MADE ME NOT TALK ABOUT IT!" she screamed at us as

she whirled around. "They said, they said it was all a mistake,

that it didn't happen, that we were LYING!" she raged, her face

red and her hands twisted into fists.

"Tina," Gail moaned, "It's not your fault-"

"I should have done something!"

"Like what?"

"Something- Anything! 'Cause you know he did it again to her!"

My stomach tightened into new knots of agony as the picture

started to come into focus.

She looked up at the heavens and spit it out. "And he's still

out there, and he's hurt someone again. And it's my fault, for

never turning him in." She looked down at me, then collapsed

into a sobbing pile. "It's all my fault."

Suddenly I knew. "God no."

Tina looked up in pain and whispered "My brother. Chris."

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Chapter Sixteen: SOUR GIRL

In silence we started walking, each lost in our own thoughts.

Was I supposed to hate Tina for what her brother had done to me? Should I blame her for not turning him in years earlier? That seemed to be what she thought. But it was Chris who'd hurt me, not Tina. If anything, she hated him more than I did. More than I ever could. She despised him for what he did, for what he was... and the worst part was that he was her twin.

Was I supposed to hate Gail for dropping me as a friend back in first grade? I knew now that she'd been horribly hurt and lost all trust in boys. Worse than that, she'd been deathly afraid of them. And until a few days before, to her I'd been a boy, as violent and scary as any.

And the boy who did it to her, who'd emotionally scarred her for life, was none other than Tina's evil twin. Evil Twin. People used the expression as a joke, but in her case it was literally true. Chris Libby was evil, in some sick and twisted way he enjoyed hurting and humiliating people. And that had to be frightening to Tina, who should have been closer to Chris than any other human.

In what must have been some sort of sick joke, they even had variants on the same name. Chris was actually Christopher, while Tina was really Christina. Her nickname used the only part of her name that she didn't share with her brother.

I didn't quite understand... or maybe I did, really. Tina and Gail were best friends. Tina's brother had molested Gail and then tried to kill her. Gail's parents had let him off the hook because they didn't want it known that their daughter was abused. And instead of tearing their friendship apart, it had forged it into an unbreakable bond.

And now, they were inviting me in. Gail, in remorse for having dropped me, and knowing that since I now was a girl, I was now 'safe'. And Tina, out of guilt for having let her brother get away with his violence years ago, allowing him to brutalize me the previous month.

I knew that they had other motives, most being nicer ones than I was thinking about. I wanted to be their friend. I wanted it badly. I'd grown up without and real friends, without any real companionship but my parents. The question was, did they _really_ want to be my friends? Could I trust them?

"Tina?" I asked quietly.

She sniffled one last time, and turned to me. "What... I'm... Oh, damn!" she wailed. The angry tears started again, and she stood in the middle of the street, trying and failing to bring them under control.

Gail and I moved in from opposite sides, put our arms around her, and tried to comfort her as best we could. Gail, though, was on the edge herself, and after only a few seconds was bawling into Tina's hair.

That set me off, and then there were three girls standing, arms linked, weeping in the middle of the street.

None of us came back to reality until a car horn startled us out of our misery. We looked up and there, not three feet away from us was a new Caddie with an angry old biddy behind the wheel.

"What are you girls doing?", she raged. "Get out of the street!"

As we stepped aside and the car roared off, one corner of Gail's mouth turned up... then the other... and she was snickering. That set Tina and I off, and we were now standing at the side of the road, still connected, in uncontrollable laughter.

As the laughter finally died down, I stepped away and looked down at my feet. I quietly spoke. "If the two of you still want it, I'd love to be your friend."

Just like that we were linked. And from that day forward, we would never be unlinked.

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Chapter Seventeen: HEAVY THINGS

We didn't say much on the rest of the walk home. When we got to the back street (most would call it an alley) that ran behind out houses, none of us wanted to break things up, so we looked around for a place to go.

Gail said "Let's go to my house. My mom is out shopping with Tina's mom, and we'll have it all to ourselves."

Tina looked at me, concerned, and said "I don't think you'd be very comfortable at my house. Not with..."

"I know." I interrupted. We were silent for a moment, and then I continued. "It's funny, as much time as I spent there years ago. But you're right. I don't think your parents would want me there."

"Dad might not mind, but Mom, she'd be really uptight about it."

Tina laughed, a short, barking, bitter laugh. "_I_ don't feel comfortable at my house. Between my brother and my mother, I spend most of my time at Gail's."

"Your, um, mother?"

Tina reddened slightly and wouldn't meet my eyes. "She's, well, I guess today is the day for confessions."

Gail, still subdued, looked up at Tina and asked "Are you sure? Do you really want to talk?"

Tina glanced back at her and nodded, a small, hesitant nod, and then looked back at me. "My mom has been having an affair for, well, at least since I've been old enough to know."

My mind veered in circles as I realized that I'd known nothing about their family, at least nothing of the truth about them.

Tina continued "I caught them back when I was in kindergarten. They were in bed together and I just walked in on them. I don't think dad knows, but, well, this has been going on for years."

I looked sideways at her and carefully said "So it's not a casual thing. And she knows that you know, and have known. She's not worried that you might blow her secret?"

Tina sank to the pavement, sitting in the middle of the back street.

"No," she quietly said, "Not since... There's more to it than that."

Gail knelt beside her and took Tina's head to her chest. Gail looked up and said, "What she discovered, the lover? It's my mom."

The world resumed its dizzying swirl as I sank to the pavement next to Tina. "Oh, God. Your mother... and... it all fits together, doesn't it? That's why Gail's family didn't want to nail Chris for what he did. Your parents, both sets, were afraid of the scandal."

We were interrupted by the honk of a car horn. Mrs. Strebel, from up the block gave us a fish-eye gaze as we scrambled out of the way.

Gail and Tina were both in tears, rage contorting both faces as they recalled the pressures and humiliations from their families, to just SHUT UP about anything that had happened. And I -- I wasn't much help to them. The sick feeling overwhelmed me until my stomach once again rebelled.

We all stood there, lost in our misery, until a familiar car pulled down the back street and glided to a stop near the three of us. It was the Libby's Catalina, Mrs. Libby at the wheel, Mrs. Bandurski lounging idly in the seat next to her.

Tina and Gail visibly pulled themselves together as Mrs. Libby rolled down the window. "Are you girls having fun today?" she queried.

With a kind of sick smile, Tina gave a half-hearted nod. Mrs. Libby smiled, a thin-lipped, not-very-pleasant slash, and breathed, "Terri and I are going up to the house for some coffee. Why don't you girls run over to Gail's house to play for a while?"

As she rolled up the window and drove off, she asked, "Who's your new friend?" But she was gone long before anyone could answer.

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Chapter Eighteen: ANGRY

I could see the women laughing inside the car as it pulled up the hill towards the Libby's driveway. I looked at Tina and Gail standing silently, comforting each other in their misery, and the pain in my stomach vanished. Instead, I had a sudden feeling of well-being as I figured it out. I knew. Knew what kind of people their mothers were, what had been done to the girls for all these years, and what had ultimately happened to me, all because the families wanted to avoid scandal and humiliation.

I could feel it building inside me, a terrible anger, one I'd never felt before. Before it consumed me, I grabbed Tina and Gail and pulled them towards Gail's house.

"Come on." I urged, "Let's do what she said and go inside. We need to talk."

We walked in silence, arm-in-arm-in-arm, each of us lost in her own thoughts. Once there, we went in and headed upstairs to Gail's room. Gail and Tina sank to the bed, sitting quietly, staring down at the floor. I stood, looking out the window, up the hill towards the Libby house.

I turned away from the window, and spoke, my voice tight with anger. "Unless there's more that you haven't gotten to, I think I get it now. This has been all about your mothers, and them being more concerned about themselves than you. Chris," I spat the name, "he's slime, but it's them, your parents that warped him."

Tina nodded, clutching at Gail. "That's... that's about it. I don't think either of our dads know what's been going on, but neither of them has much to do with the family anyway."

I sighed and thought. And thought.

After the silence had gone on for a while, Gail looked up questioningly. "Kim, you said we had to talk?"

I nodded, and turned back to the window. "Your moms, they've been together for years." I paused a moment to collect my thoughts. "It seems like they are only using your families to give them a comfortable place while they enjoy themselves." A hard edge crept into my voice. "They don't give a shit about you, or your fathers, or even your idiot brother."

I turned back from the window. Gail was still watching me, with some interest. Tina still stared at her feet, trying to suppress a fresh round of tears. "Tina!" I walked up and took her hand. She looked up at that and sniffled. "I think it's past the time for tears. I've been hurt, you've been hurt, and, God, Gail has been hurt the worst. This has Got To Stop."

Tina looked quizzical and opened her mouth, then closed it again. She appeared to think for a moment, then said, "What are you saying?"

"Someone," I resumed, "has got to _do_ something. Otherwise we're all going to be hurt again, or worse."

Tina thought some more. "We're twelve years old..."

"Mostly," I interrupted.

"Okay, you'll be twelve in August. We're not even teenagers. So what can we do?"

I sat on the edge of the bed. "I don't know. Not yet. There's got to be something, though. We can't let this go on."

From downstairs came the sound of a door opening. We all turned towards the door and Gail said, "My mother." Laughing voices rose up the stairwell. "And Mrs. Libby."

Tina lay back in an exaggerated pose of casualness. "I think we should act normal. They're _not_ going to like it if they know what we're talking about."

As the voices came closer, Gail hastily got up from the bed, grabbed a dress from her closet, and held it up in front of me, saying loudly "This one is _perfect_ for you, Kim! Let's see how it looks on you. Oh, Mom," she turned her head in feigned surprise, as her mother and Mrs. Libby came through the door, "I didn't hear you come in."

Her mother, Terri Bandurski, stepped into the room. She really wasn't a pretty sight. My first reaction was, *God, if I dress like that when I get to be her age, just kill me.*

Mrs. Bandurski was one of those women who seemed to be afraid of aging, or at the least, afraid of not being a teenager any more. She wore a low-cut peasant blouse and a miniskirt, sandals, and a band in her long, straight black hair. She really did look like an older version of one of those hippies I'd been seeing on television.

Not that Mrs. Libby looked any better. She had a hard-edged cast to her face, with a cigarette always lodged in one corner of her mouth. They were the same kind she'd smoked when I was younger, those ones with the silly holes in the end, Parliaments, I think.

She dressed a lot different than her friend, lover, whatever. A white long-sleeved blouse, looking almost like a man's dress shirt, atop a pair of burgundy dress slacks, with a crease so sharp you could use them to slice bread. Matching heels, shined to a wicked gleam. Every last one of her crimson hairs in place, the ends trimmed precisely into an even row.

Mrs. Libby had always had a commanding manner, even when I was little, but it seemed even worse now. Maybe it was the fact that this wasn't even her house and she just kind of took control of the situation.

"Tina," she crisply demanded, "you never introduced me to your little friend."

Tina colored and started to sit up. "Mom, you know her."

"That's impossible. I know everyone, and I definitely do _not_ know this little girl."

*Little girl indeed!* Well, if anything, she was making it easier for me to accept what we would eventually have to do.

Mrs. Bandurski slowly and unobtrusively faded back, apparently unwilling to get involved in this. Mrs. Libby stepped right up to me, forcing Gail and her dress to take a hasty step backwards, catching the bottom end of the bed, and oofing down backwards onto the mattress. Tina was there to keep her from rolling to the floor, but it was distracting to all of us, all of us except Mrs. Libby.

She inspected me closely from mere inches away, and adopted a quizzical look. "No, I definitely don't know this child. I've seen her somewhere before, but we've never met."

Tina tried and failed to stifle a laugh. "Mom, she's been to our place hundreds of times. You just don't remember because it's been so long."

Mrs. Libby looked again, with a piercing, penetrating glare. "No, definitely not."

Mrs. Bandurski, from somewhere back in the corner, hesitantly asked, "Who is she then, Gail?"

Gail looked at me, then at Tina, and then back again. I gave a slight nod which she returned, and she took a deep breath. "Mom, you know her too." Her mother tried to interrupt, but Gail plunged on. "This is Kimberly. Kim. She's lived across the back street from us for just about her whole life."

Mrs. Bandurski flashed a quick look out the window and then back at me. She seemed about to speak, but Mrs. Libby beat her to it. "There's no girl over there. Mrs. Robeson is a widow and doesn't have children. The Albertsons only have a boy. And so do the..."

She broke off and her eyes grew really wide.

"Billy..."

"It's Kim now, Mrs. Libby. There's no more Billy."

That set her off. I won't repeat her speech. It would take a while, and besides, she used a lot of words that eleven-year-olds aren't supposed to know. And I even learned one or two new ones.

The gist of it is that I was a freaky little pervert and had better stay away from her daughter. That there was no earthly reason for her precious son to be in juvenile detention for beating up a freak. That she'd do everything possible to get him freed and me locked up in his place. And she'd do whatever it took to make sure everyone knew all about me and would run my family out of town.

Blah, blah, blah.

When she finally started running out of steam, she ordered me out of the house. At that I just stood, staring at her defiantly. Gail got up from her perch on the bed and told her, hands on hips, "Mrs. Libby, I'm sorry but this isn't your house, and you can _not_ order my guest out."

That promised to set off a new explosion, but when she looked around, Mrs. Libby discovered that somewhere along the way Mrs. Bandurski had fled the room. Mrs. Libby reached out and grabbed her daughter by the wrist, and actually dragged Tina from the room.

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Chapter Nineteen: IT'S MY LIFE

The next morning, about nine, Gail came across the back street and found me curled up on the porch, book in hand. She took one look at me and failed to stifle a giggle.

That got my attention away from the book. "What?"

She couldn't talk for a second, and just pointed, first at the book and then at me. "You. And the book. Some things never change."

I was a bit confused, and after a few seconds she spoke up again, her composure mostly regained. "Never mind. What are you doing today?"

"I'm not sure. We're going to my dad's office for a bit, and after that, um, I dunno."

"Your dad's office? Where Ronnie's used to be?"

"Yep. It looks a lot different now." I giggled at the thought of how the place used to look. I could tell Gail's interest was piqued, and I had an idea. "Do you want to come along?"

"Can I? Will your mom mind?"

"Let's find out." I uncurled and got up in one smooth motion. Gail watched with a look of amazement. "What's wrong?"

"You look so... so... I don't know." She looked embarrassed. "It's just that, if I didn't know, I'd swear you've been doing this all your life."

***

Half-an-hour or so later we were in the backseat of my mom's car. Gail had made a few phone calls first, so it wouldn't seem like she had vanished or anything, and then we were off.

Mom needed to drop off some papers before some meeting Dad had planned. The office was only a few minutes away, actually only a block from the park where we'd stopped the day before.

When we got there, Mom asked if we wanted to come in, and since Gail had never been inside, at least since it had become a real estate office, she was eager to come. As we entered she looked around, at the plush carpeting and the paintings, the short row of desks, and the crimson door to the private office.

"Cool, she said, "I haven't been in here since it was Ronnie's".

When we were little there'd been a small grocery store here, until the owner had retired and left the building vacant. After a few years my dad bought the building and put his office in the front part. It really didn't look much like a former grocery. Not any more.

In the outer office there were three desks in a line. The salesmen sat out here, doing whatever they did, while Dad had his private office in the little turreted corner of the building.

All three salesmen were there that morning, Jean, Elizabeth, and Bob. I'd known all of them for years, but they'd never seen me as Kim, and I had no idea how they'd react. Dad had told them, of course, but there was no telling what they really thought.

It didn't take long to find out.

Jean hung up her phone and got up, walking right to me and putting her arms around me. "Kimberly!" She hugged me for a moment, then took me lightly by my shoulders and held me at arms length. "Let me have a look at you!"

She took a long look and then smiled. "I've never looked at you in quite this way, but you're very pretty. And you're going to grow up into a beautiful woman."

Well, I'd as soon they forgot who I used to be, but I guess it would take a while.

Bob, meanwhile, leaned back in his chair, and looked at me as well, but it was a cold, hard-eyed stare. "Christ! Why don't you put on some decent clothes?"

I was- I was in shock. Gail was right behind me, and I could hear her gasp as she placed one hand on my back in support. Mom had already gone in to see dad, and she missed this.

Jean and Elizabeth spun to face him, and both said, as one, "Bob!"

He sat up and put his elbows on the desk as he gave me another look. "Look at him! That little faggot is prancing around like a girl and all you're doing is encouraging him. Jesus!"

Jean stared at him in outrage, and Elizabeth leaned over her desk, palms down, and spoke right into his face. "Bob, I don't pretend to understand what she is going through. But she says she's a girl, she looks like a girl, and her parents are supporting her. Beyond that, I don't _need_ to understand." She put her face mere inches from his and spoke urgently at him. "It's obvious that you don't understand either. Bob, shut up until you do. You sound like an idiot and if you keep this up Bill's going to put you out on your ass."

That did it, as far as he was concerned. He reared up from his desk and exploded. "Jesus Fucking Christ! Are you nuts? You're actually okay with this? You're sick, all of you!"

This was enough to bring Mom and Dad out of the inner office. He took one look at the scene... Bob standing at his desk, the chair fallen over backwards behind him, Elizabeth opposite him in an angry crouch, Jean with her hands to her mouth, looking as if she was ready to crawl into a hole, Gail holding tightly to me as I stood there, silent and rigid, holding my anger in check.

Dad was at Bob's desk in three angry, very long strides. "What the fuck... What do you think you're doing?" He practically ripped Bob from his position and hustled him into the inner office. The door slammed with enough force to shift a couple of paintings.

We could hear angry voices from the inner office as Mom and Gail walked me over to a chair and sat me down. Mom crouched at my side, her face even with mine, and she stroked my hair. "Honey? Are you- are you okay?"

"I'm... I... how..." I was still in shock, and just couldn't get anything out. Mom turned to Elizabeth and asked her for a glass of water.

Gail knelt at my other side and wrapped her arms around me. "Kim- please, talk to us. Kim?" I remained silent. I could hear and see everything that was going on, but it all seemed kind of unreal, almost like watching a movie.

From the other office, the voices were rising higher and higher, and Mom shot a quick look at the door, as though fearing that the next sound would be that of something breaking.

Elizabeth returned with the water, but instead of giving it to Mom, she knelt in front of me and held it out. I didn't move, and after a moment she placed the glass up to my mouth. That was enough to bring me back a little, and I took the glass in one hand and sipped. The water helped relieve the tight knot that I hadn't known was in my throat.

Gail pled urgently into my ear. "Kim, please. Come back to us. Don't let this get you uptight. Please. He's an asshole..." She shot a quick glance at my mom, but Mom didn't take notice. "This isn't worth it. Please!"

I turned slowly to look at Gail, and I whispered "I'm here. I'm just..." and with that the dam broke. I burst into tears, and grabbed tight onto Mom. She clutched me at least as tight, and I just cried and cried, letting all the pain and anger out.

Well, not all. Somewhere in my belly was a cold ball of fury that wasn't going away. Someday, somehow, Bob Matthews was going to regret that he'd ever opened his mouth.

I almost missed it, but the office door flew open and Dad stormed out, over to the wall where the framed real estate licenses hung in a row. He grabbed Bob's off the wall and returned to the inner office, leaving the door open this time.

There was dead silence from inside, and after a moment Bob walked out, the license in his hands. He stalked directly for the outside door, looking neither to the right or left. He stiff-armed the door and walked right out without a word.

Dad came out of his office a moment later. In an oddly quiet voice he said "Nobody, nobody is going to talk to my daughter that way. Ever."

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Chapter Twenty: THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH

As we left the office, Gail held me in her arms and led me out towards the car. Mom looked at me with concern, and tenderly asked, "Are you okay, Honey?"

Tears still streamed down my face as I thought about the kind of person who would say things like that to a little girl. I finally replied as we reached the car. "Yes... I'll be all right in a minute." Mom unlocked the car, and Gail and I slid into the back seat.

It took more than a minute, but the tears finally stopped, and I returned to the world.

Mom looked back at me and simply asked, "Better?" I nodded silently and she started the car. As she put the car in gear, she said, "Gail and I have a surprise for you."

I looked up quickly, and could see her concerned eyes in the rear-view mirror. "What is it?" I asked, but she only shook her head and smiled.

"Well, it wouldn't be much of a surprise if I told you, now would it?"

"Come on," Gail said, "You'll love this."

"What..." I started to ask, but Gail interrupted.

"Kim, shut up and go along with this. Don't worry, it's something groovy."

I knew she was creating the surprise to take my mind off the incident at Dad's office, but, well, maybe that's what I needed. Bob would keep. And someday, well, I was young. I had time.

From between the seats, Mom pulled out a scarf and handed it back to Gail. Gail, in turn, took the scarf in both hands and started folding it. "Okay, I have to blindfold you now." I didn't resist as she wrapped the scarf around my head, though I had no earthly idea what was going on.

We drove for about fifteen minutes, with Gail chattering the whole time to distract me from my thoughts. It worked, because I was well and thoroughly lost. It had to be to the south or west side of town, though, because Michigan City wasn't all that big a place.

When we got to our destination Gail removed the blindfold with a flourish, and I saw we were at the new mall. This was my first visit since the day I was beaten by Chris Libby and his pals. Somehow, being there didn't bother me as much as I'd expected.

Mom laughed and said "You need a lot more clothes than you've got right now, so I thought we could spend the afternoon shopping." As soon as she said that, my face lit up with a smile that felt like my face was splitting. "First we need some lunch," said Mom, "and then we'll start our grand shopping trip."

Gail and I ran to the mall's entrance and raced inside. I didn't get more than six feet in when something registered on me and I skidded to a stop. Tina! "What are you doing here?"

Tina grinned and said "Gail called, and said you were going to be shopping. My mother, "she almost spit the word, "is having her hair done today, so I managed to talk her into dumping me at the mall for the afternoon." She giggled and hugged me as we walked farther into the mall.

The three of us, Tina, Gail, and myself, ran ahead to Danner's, the cafeteria that I thought had EVERYTHING. When we got there, we had to wait. Mom wasn't about to run, and she had the money.

While we were waiting it occurred to me, in the old days I would never have run... that would have been beneath my dignity, if an eleven-year-old can be allowed any. But now, well, things like that didn't seem so important any more.

Tina broke in with a question: "What are you going to get this afternoon?"

That was easy. "Everything. I have a _lot_ of catching up to do!"

Mom finally caught up and we headed for the line. She picked some cottage cheese and pineapple. Uuugh! How could people eat things like that? Tina had, of all things, a cheese salad, while Gail and I had hot dogs and fries. I knew that sooner or later I'd be having to watch my weight, but I'd worry about that when the time came.

Over lunch everyone was asking me what I wanted to buy. "Weeell," I drawled out, "are you sure that you want to hear this?"

"YES!" my friends chorused. Friends. What a nice thought. I sat there a moment and basked, then started as I realized they were staring at me, expectantly waiting.

"I want EVERYTHING!" They both laughed while mom cast a nervous look towards her purse. "What I'd like are some nice shoes, dresses, tops and skirts, and," I looked pleadingly at mom, "a mini skirt."

Mom looked pained.

"That's what all the girls are wearing now. Please, Mom? Pleeease?"

Mom looked sternly at me and said "We'll think about the mini skirt. I don't really approve of them; they're too too short, and maybe you're a bit young for one."

I admit it, I pouted a bit. Just a bit.

She tried to keep the stern look, but a hint of a smile crept through. I figured that maybe, if I shut up about the mini, maybe later I could talk her into letting me have one.

"Everything else that you asked for is fine," she said with that hint of smile still playing on her lips. "Would you like to get your ears pierced today as well?"

I squealed with delight. "Can I? I didn't think..." *shut up, idiot*, my mind told me. I didn't ask because I never thought she'd allow it. Mom's ears weren't pierced, and I really thought she'd forbid me to ever have it done.

"I don't see why not. Both Gail and Tina have theirs pierced." Tina pulled her hair back to show me her pretty ear rings. "Okay, ladies are we ready to go," Mom asked. We stood up as our answer and started for the door, then paused and waited for mom to join us.

"Where would you like to go first?" Mom asked.

"Can I get my ears pierced first?" I was no fool, I wanted it done before Mom came to her senses and forbade it.

Mom said that it would be all right as we headed back into the center mall. She took us into Zales, her favorite jewelry store. We walked in and a lady asked if she could help. Mom said "Yes, I would like to get my daughter's ears pierced today."

"That's fine," the lady replied, "Does she have her own earrings to use or do you wish to buy some?" Mom said that we would like to buy some and asked if she had any small gold studs that she could see.

"Yes, I'll just go and get them," she said as she retreated into the back room. Moments later she came out carrying a tray filled with studs and rings of all shapes, sizes, and colors. Mom sorted through the collection picked out 5 pairs, then told me to choose which pair I wanted. I looked at the earrings mom had selected, delighted because I loved all of them. But only one? This was going to be more difficult than I'd expected.

They all looked pretty much the same except for size. Some seemed huge and some looked tiny... except for one pair in the form of dangling hearts. As soon as I saw them I knew those were the ones that I wanted. I pointed to them and asked mom if I could have the hearts. Mom said yes, laughing, "Of course you can."

With that decided, the lady took me over to a corner of the store and sat me down on a high stool. "Is this your first time?"

"Yes it is," I replied while rolling my eyes in Tina's direction. Sheesh. Adults. My ears were right there for her to see, and they had no holes. What else did she think I _might_ have pierced?

While I was occupied with the piercing, I could see Gail whispering worriedly to Tina, and knew she was bringing her up to date on the events at Dad's office. Tina looked shocked, then angry, and then her face smoothed out as she went back to watching the piercing. I could tell, though, that she was still distracted.

The lady smiled and said "Don't worry, you'll just feel a little prick and that's it." She cleaned my ears with alcohol and then got a piercing needle and a cork out. She placed the cork behind my ear then the next thing I knew there was a little 'pop' and the ear was pierced. As she took the needle out she pushed the ring through the hole that she had made, then repeated the process on the other side.

I was pretty surprised that it didn't hurt more. I really thought it would be a lot bigger deal. "There," the lady said to me, "all done. Would you like to see how it looks?"

"Ooooh, yes please," I replied as she took me over to a mirror and I pulled my hair back to see.

"Ohhhh, they are so pretty!" I called Tina and Gail over to look. They both said that they were very pretty and wished that they had earrings like that instead of the plain rings that they wore.

While we were talking Mom was at the counter paying the lady for piercing my ears and the earrings. We left the store and Mom said, "Okay, now for clothes."

We went into Sears and headed for the ladies area so that we could look and, well, START SHOPPING! A clerk came over and asked if she could help. Mom said, "Yes, I am buying a new wardrobe for my daughter from the skin out." I had to laugh to myself. I could see the eyes light up at the thought of the size of the sale she was sure was coming.

She said to us all, "Please, call me Rachel."

Mom said "Okay then, Rachel, first of all she needs some new underwear and some training bras."

Rachel led us over to the section that dealt with lingerie. She asked Mom my sizes as we went over, and when we got to the lingerie section she went straight to a rack and lifted some bras off it for Mom to see. "Will these be all right?"

Mom looked at them and then looked at me. "Will they be okay for you, Honey?" I looked helplessly at them, and Tina and Gail started tittering. Mom turned back to Rachel and said "She's been a bit of a tomboy, but it's time for her to start dressing correctly." That was enough to set me off. I started snickering, and then the laughter started, and soon Gail and Tina were convulsing as helplessly as me.

Rachel looked blankly at us, while Mom adopted a long-suffering look. Every time I almost recovered, one glance at Rachel or my mom was enough to set me off again.

It took a while, but finally I was able to regain my composure, and, with some effort, keep from breaking out laughing again. I looked at the bras she'd selected for me. There were three white training bras with pale lacing round the edge and a bow in the middle. "Yes, Mom, they will be wonderful!"

Mom turned to Rachel and asked, "Can I try them on her?"

Rachel said, "Yes, of course. There's a dressing room over there." She pointed past the end of the aisle. I know, it would never be permitted today, but this was the mid-60's, and things were a bit different then.

Mom and I walked over and, once inside, Mom helped me to take my top off. When I tried my first bra it seemed tight but Mom said that it was right for me and I would get used to it.

I asked her if I could keep it on and she laughed and said, "Of course, if you want to. Besides, as of now I want you to wear one every day, okay?"

"Oh yes, Mom," I breathed, "you can't imagine how much I've wanted this." I sniffled once, and a trace of moisture appeared in my eyes.

Mom proudly looked down at me and said "Now there'll be none of that. I know it's special, but..." She broke off, and after a moment I looked up at her, and realized that her eyes were misting up too. After a few moments she gestured to me to put my top back on.

I did, and we went back outside. Mom told Rachel that they were fine and that I would wear one out. Rachel said that was fine, then showed mom panties that would go with my training bras. Mom said, "I'll take a dozen of those."

They were just plain white but they were all mine! Mom asked Rachel about other panties that were maybe a little bit fancier. Rachel went to a drawer and lifted out some fancier panties, all trimmed in lace. Mom said, "That's just what I want. I'll have 2 pairs of those, please."

Rachel added them to the pile of panties and bras, and we moved over to the section containing the skirts and dresses. It was filled with racks and racks and racks of clothes. Mom said to me, "Go and have a look. I want you to pick out 4 casual skirts and 2 casual dresses while Rachel and I see about the formal wear that I want you to have for church."

Tina, Gail and I wandered off to look through the racks. Tina said, "You are soooo lucky to be getting all these clothes and bras. My mom won't let me get any yet."

"Neither will mine," said Gail. "Of course, they usually make the same decisions."

Tina giggled. "Of course! They are kind of joined at the hip."

Gail and I turned as one. "Tina!"

"Well, it's true. My mom makes the decisions and Gail's follows."

Gail sighed. "True. My mom, I think she traded in her backbone when she met Missus Libby." I glanced at Tina, and Gail followed my eyes. "I don't hold it against Tina. Our moms, well, they're pretty weird." She stepped over and gave Tina a firm hug. "After Chris, after he... I don't think I'd have survived if it wasn't for Tina. I felt so- so- so dirty. And Tina, she pulled me back together and kept me that way when our parents were calling me a liar."

Mom and Rachel wandered over at this point and saw us deep in conversation, and no dresses picked out. She cleared her throat meaningfully, and we guiltily went back to looking through the racks.

When they stepped away, though, the three of us put our heads together again and Gail said, "It helps... it really helps to have someone we can share it with. It, well, almost like it doesn't hurt as much now." I looked up and saw Mom giving me a fish-eye look, and we went back to browsing.

Gail pulled out a beautiful print dress and asked, "What do you think of this?"

I liked it and said, "Its pretty. Lets put it to one side and see what Mom thinks." I found a long loose skirt with daisies all over. Tina liked it but Gail wasn't sure so I put it in a 'maybe' pile.

We went on like this for about half an hour before mom finally came up to us and asked, "Okay, girls, what have you found?" I showed her the pile that I'd picked out, and Mom approved most of them. She had me go try them all on and come out and model for her; as I modelled them I took two out of the pile and rejected them. They looked nice enough, but I didn't like the way that they sat on me.

After the modelling session mom went to pay for it all at the counter. It came to a _lot_ of money. Mom pulled a HUGE pile of bills out of her purse to pay. Where had she gotten that much cash?

Mom asked if she could have the clothes delivered, and Rachel explained that Sears had stopped delivering when they'd moved to the new mall. Mom looked at the huge pile of shopping bags in despair. Rachel saw the look in Mom's eyes and relented. "Look, the store doesn't deliver, but I think I can help you out. If you'd like, I can bring them myself when I get off work."

They quickly made the arrangements, and then we were off to more stores. "Okay, ladies, we just need to get Kim some shoes and I think that will do for the day."

We all trouped into a shoe store called Feet & Co. A young man came up and asked if he could help. Mom immediately said, "Yes, I need some shoes for my daughter. We need 3 pairs of casual shoes and one pair of low heels; about one-and-a-half inches."

He turned and asked, "Is this your first pair of heels?"

I said, "Yes."

"Okay, then I think one-and-a-half is reasonable." Give me a moment and I'll be right back. He vanished into the back room for what seemed like a really long time. What did these people do in the back rooms? It seemed like every place except Sears kept everything that people wanted to buy hidden away from the customer.

Eventually he came back with what seemed like a mountain of boxes of shoes. "What do you want to try first?" he asked.

"Can I try the heels?" I asked excitedly.

He looked at mom as he squatted on the little stool that every shoe store had. "Girls. Every one is just the same."

I smiled a little secret smile, and Tina and Gail tittered in the background.

The salesman pulled a pair of black shoes out of a box and asked me to put one on. I pulled it on and it was a perfect fit. I asked him for the other one and put that on too. When I stood up it seemed like I was on top of a mountain, I felt soooo tall. Mom said to walk about and see how they felt. They felt wonderful.

We must have run that poor man ragged as I spent about 2 hours trying on shoes. I finally bought the first pair of heels that he had shown me, a pair of white sandals, two pairs of casual flats (one in brown and one in black, if anyone cares). Mom paid for the shoes and we headed back for the car. Tina had to stay behind and wait for her mother. I was exhausted from the marathon shopping trip, and fell asleep in the car, my head slumped onto Gail's shoulder.

The next thing I knew, we were in my driveway and Gail was shaking me awake.

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Chapter Twenty-one: PINCH ME

I spent the rest of the afternoon napping, only getting up at dinnertime. I don't remember a thing about the dinner, the only thing that sticks in my mind was dessert.

Dad was talking about some real estate developer in New York. I wasn't really paying attention, thinking about my new clothes, and planning on where to wear each. Something seemed a bit wrong, and suddenly I realized that Mom and Dad were silently looking at me.

"Um... I'm sorry, did you say something?"

Mom and Dad gave each other knowing looks, and Dad grinned. "I said that I was really sorry that you weren't able to go the New York World's Fair back in '64."

Mom broke in. "We both knew how much you wanted to go, but you were just too young for us to take you to a city like New York. Now, well, now you're old enough."

"It's a bit late now, Mom. The fair ended two years ago." It was still a bit of an open wound for me. I'd been desperate to go to the fair, and had read everything I could find on it, watched every fair special on television, and begged my parents to take me. It didn't work.

Dad sighed, and said "It's too late for New York, yes. But this summer there's one in Montreal."

"EXPO 67? Can we go?" I asked excitedly. I'd been hinting about the fair for a year, though my problems in the spring had taken all my attention. *maybe... maybe...*

"Kimberly," Dad continued, "It will be a bit early, but for your birthday your mother and I are taking you to the fair for a week in mid-August."

I squealed and suddenly found myself wrapped around him. "Thank you thank you thankyouthankyou..."

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To Be Continued....

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