I would like to thank my dear friends,

Angel O’Hare, Karen Page, Joni W. and Holly Logan

for their kindness, help, support and input.

Raised In SLC

Chapter 3

By Penny Reed Cardon

Our first stop of the day was at a very nice house on South Temple.  Mom pulled up the driveway and around to the back of the house.  We all got out and Mom knocked on the door of what appeared to be a four-car garage.  A very attractive lady opened the door.

“Hello.”

“Hello, I’m Mrs. Covington,” Mom said politely.

“Oh yes, good morning Mrs. Covington.  Jill Morgan called and said you would be coming by.  I’m Amanda Reynolds, and this must be Rachael and Matilda,” said Mrs. Reynolds.  “Hum,” she said, as she looked closely at me.  “Yes I can see her in there.  Well, we will just have to see what we can do about coaxing Matilda to come out and play, won’t we.  Please come in.”

‘Now what does she mean by that.'

Mrs. Reynolds held the door open as we entered.  Inside I saw several chairs, like the ones in a barbershop, with mirrors behind them.  There were some other chairs with what looked like big steel eggs mounted to the back of them.  There were two more chairs in front of sinks with notches cut in them.  Along one wall were several rows of heads made out of foam.  Each head had a different wig on it.  Some were long, some short, and lots of different colors.  Behind us, there was a small waiting area with chairs, and a table with magazines on it.

After we were in and Mrs. Reynolds closed the door, she turned to Mom and asked, “Well now Mrs. Covington, what did you have in mind?”

“I beg your pardon?” Mom asked.

“I’m sorry, please let me start over.  As I said, Jill called me this morning and told me to expect you.  She told me that Matilda is just starting to transition and was in need of a complete makeover.  I was wondering if you had a particular look or style in mind for her,” Mrs. Reynolds said apologizing.

“I’m terribly sorry Mrs. Reynolds, I misunderstood your question.  Yes, Matilda is starting to transition and both girls have been invited to a birthday party Saturday after next.  Jill thinks it would be good for Matilda to go, completely dressed as a young lady.  I've volunteered to help with the party, so I'll be there if there is any problem.  Only one other girl knows about Matilda and we'd like to keep it that way.  Oh, and please, call me Edith,” Mom said.

“Very well, Edith it is, as long as you call me Amanda.  Now as for Rachael, I would recommend just a touch of makeup to highlight those lovely cheekbones and just a touch of rouge for color.  Do you think you would want a new hairstyle for her?  Also, have you selected the girl's dresses yet?”

“Actually no we haven’t even looked at dresses yet.  As for Rachael’s hair, I hadn’t even thought about it.  We've been concentrating so much on Matilda that I hadn’t thought about Rachael,” confessed Mom.

“Well, I was just wondering if you’d thought of them going as twins.  Making them up as twin sisters should be very easy.  They both have the same beautiful features, the same complexion, and the same smile.  Oh look, they even blush the same,” Mrs. Reynolds said, as we were both blushing from all the attention and the references to being twins.

“Well actually, Matilda is a year and a half older than Rachael,” Mom corrected with a giggle.  “I think we should make Matilda look a little older.  Sisters, yes, but not twins.”

“Very well, what about Matilda’s hair color?  Do you want to stay with the blonde or would you be open to other options?”  Mrs. Reynolds asked.

“Oh ... I don’t know!  I hadn’t considered the fact that there were other options.  I've just always seen her as a blonde,” Mom said.

“Of course we can match a wig to her blonde hair until it grows out enough to be styled on its own.  I was just wondering if you wanted to look at other options.  There are a lot of colors and styles to choose from,” said Mrs. Reynolds pointing to the wall of heads.

“Oh my, I don’t know.  Matilda, what do you think?”  Mom asked me.

“Well, I glad to see that one of you are finally asking me what I want,” I said, sounding a bit agitated.

“I’m sorry dear.  Here we are discussing your future and not even stopping to ask what you want,” Mom said, looking a little embarrassed.

“Forget it Mom, I am just a little overwhelmed by this whole thing and I'm probably being a little over sensitive as well.  As far as hair goes, every one knows that Matt has blond hair.  If I wear a blond wig, I'll just look like Matt with long hair.  I think a dark brown or black like dad and Karen might work better for me,” I said

“Very good Matilda,” said Mrs. Reynolds.  “Why don’t you climb up into the first chair and we will get started. Edith did you bring Matilda some other clothes?”

“No, we didn’t.  Why?”  Mom asked.

“Well, when we’re all done with her today, Matilda will look out of place wearing these boy’s T-shirt and jeans,” explained Mrs. Reynolds.

“Oh you're so right.  I hadn’t even thought about that,” Mom said.

“Well there are two options.  One, you can leave these two angels here.  I will get their makeup and hairstyles sorted out while you run down to the Crossroads and get something appropriate.  If you don’t feel comfortable with that, there is option two.  We could have one of my daughters go through their closets.  I'm sure they can find that they have outgrown, that would fit Matilda.  You could bring it back later,” said Mrs. Reynolds

“Not to seem impolite or ungrateful, but I think I would prefer the second option.”  Mom said.

“No problem at all.  If I were in your place I'd be a bit hesitant to leave my children with someone that I'd met only ten minutes before.”  With that, Mrs. Reynolds went to the phone and made a call.  “Hello, could I speak to Susan please.  Hello Susan, I have a bit of a problem that I think you could help with.  Would you come over to the shop please?  Yes, that would be fine dear.  See you then, goodbye, Sweetheart.”  Mrs. Reynolds hung up the phone and came back to where I was sitting.  “That’s my daughter Susan over in the main house.  She will be over in about half an hour.  I want her to see Matilda so she will be able to judge her size.

You’re a lucky young lady,” Mrs. Reynolds said to me as she turned the chair so I was facing the mirrors.  “Some of my clients didn’t figure out who they are or need to be until much later in life.  You will still be able to experience most of your childhood as a young lady.  Let's start with your hair shall we?  Then we can do your makeup to compliment your complexion and your new hair color and style.”

With that, Mrs. Reynolds went over to the wall with all the heads and selected two heads.  She put them on the counter in front of me and then she got two more.

“Let’s start with a hair style and then you can decide on the hair color you want,” Mrs. Reynolds explained as she began the process of transforming me into a girl.  She tried several wigs on me with all of us discussing what we liked and didn’t like about each one.  We finally settled on a style that had full thick bangs, with just a little bit of curl, they were long enough that they almost covered my eyebrows.  The sides and back were much longer; they came about halfway down my back and had a lot more curl at the bottom than the bangs did.  The color we finally decided on was a light brown.  One, it seemed to match my complexion better than something darker.  Two, when my hair grows long enough to be styled; changing back to my normal color wouldn’t be so noticeable.  With the hair style and color decided, it was time to start on my makeup.  For this Mrs. Reynolds asked Mom to come over and take a more active part, as she would have to teach me over the next two weeks how to apply my own makeup.

About that time, the door opened and a very lovely oriental girl, about fourteen or fifteen years old, came in.

“Hello, Susan,” said Mrs. Reynolds, looking up.  “I would like you to meet the Covington’s.  This is Edith,” she said waving a hand towards Mom.  “And over there is Rachael,” she said pointing to Rachael, who was seated in the waiting area reading a magazine, Rachael waved.  “And this, is Matilda!” she said as she turned the chair so I was facing Susan instead of the mirrors.

“Hello everyone, I’m very pleased to meet you,” Susan said with a smile.

“Susan, what we need is some other clothes for Matilda,” Mrs. Reynolds said.  “After all, a lovely young lady can’t be seen around town in a boy’s T-shirt and jeans, now can she?"

“Of course not, Mother.  Could she stand up so I can get a better look at her, then I can guess at her size?”  Susan asked.

Mom and Mrs. Reynolds helped me out of the chair and I took a couple of steps toward Susan, while she walked around and looked me over carefully.

“Dress or slacks?” Susan asked me.

“Oh, dress please, if possible,” I replied

“Tights, knee highs’, or anklets?” Susan asked.

“We'll, anklets, with lace if possible.  But I guess that would depend on the shoes,” I replied.

Susan looked at me with a look of disbelief!  “Aren’t you a little old for lacy anklets?” She asked.

“Well maybe I am, but I still like them.  In fact I like almost anything that has ruffles or lace,” I replied.

“Mom, is Matilda another one of you special clients?” Susan asked her mother.

“Yes, she is, Dear!” replied Mrs. Reynolds.

“Well that explains it,” Susan said.  “What about shoes?” Susan asked; a general question for anyone to answer.

“Well what ever you can find, Dear I’m sure will be fine,” said Mrs. Reynolds.

Susan came up to me and whispered in my ear, “What about underwear?”

“I’m okay there,” I whispered back.

“With lace, I presume,” Susan whispered.  I nodded.  “It figures,” she said shaking her head.

“Well I’ll see what I can find, Mom.  Be back in a few minutes.”

“Thanks Susan, you’re a sweetheart.”  Mrs. Reynolds told her daughter as she was leaving.

“Amanda, could you answer a couple of questions for me?” Mom asked.

“Certainly Edith, if I can.”

“Susan isn’t you biological daughter is she?”

“No, Susan was adopted by my husband and me when she was two, as were our other two daughters.  You see, you don't have to be born female to have children,” said Mrs. Reynolds.

We were all shocked by what Mrs. Reynolds had just said.

“You mean that you’re . . .” Mom started to ask.

“Yes Edith.  I’m transgendered.  I was born male, and like Matilda here, I realized that my spirit is female.  I transitioned when I was fifteen.  My father almost had a heart attack the first time he saw me in a dress.  You see, in the mid 60’s, being TG was worse than being a black man on an all white bus in Georgia.  'Boys wear boy’s clothes and girls wear girl’s and neither should dress like the other,' my dad would tell me.  I was lucky that he didn’t send me to some military school in Vermont.  They did send me away though, to live with an old maid aunt in Delta, so I wouldn’t “Embarrass the family.”  Even living with my aunt life was no picnic. I couldn’t go to school, well not any longer than half a day.  You see, I wasn’t permitted to use the girls’ restroom and I wouldn’t use the boys.  I tried that once, I was lucky to escape with my life, but my clothes were shredded.  You see, I had no rights under the law, at all.  The boys who attacked me were never confronted, reprimanded, or held accountable in any way.  I was considered a 'Non-Person'.  The only one who cared about me at all was my aunt.  She helped me finish High School, at home.  She even arranged for me to get into the finest beauty school in the state.  Now I help others with what I've learned.  No one should have to go through what I went through.”  Mrs. Reynolds was almost in tears as the memories of her past flooded into her conscious mind.  She stopped there and wiped her eyes.

Turning to me she said, “Your life is going to be so much easier than mine was.  You have a loving mother and sister that are here to help you through what lies ahead.  I’m almost jealous of you.  There are so many of us around, we will help you any way we can.”  There were tears in Mrs. Reynolds eyes as she gave me a hug, but these were definitely tears of joy.

“Well, Edith, did you have any other questions?”  Mrs. Reynolds asked Mom as she stood back up.

“Well, Susan referred to Matilda as one of your special clients?”  Mom asked.

“Yes I have many TG clients.  Jill refers one or two TG people to me, each year, as do several other therapists.  Probably half of my regular customers are TG,” replied Mrs. Reynolds.

Sometime later, Mom told me how shocked she was to realize how many transgendered people there must be in this area.

“Well now, let’s get your make up sorted out, shall we?” said Mrs. Reynolds as she helped me back up into the chair.  Mom came over and they tried a few different things.  Then they'd clean that off and starting over again.  They did this many times.  The application that they were happy with was actually very little makeup.  Some blue eye shadow to accent my blue eyes, some mascara to bring out and darken my eyelashes, some pink lipstick (they tried lots of other colors but only a few light shades work with the rest of my face), and medium rouge.

“Mom, now I’m jealous.  I want to wear makeup too,” complained Rachael.

“When you’re ten, we’ll talk about you using makeup young lady,” Mom said.

“But Matilda isn’t ten.”  Rachael said.

“All right, when you’re nine and three quarters we’ll talk about you wearing makeup.”  Mom consented with a smile.

Rachael was still put out by this.  After all she and Matilda were about the same size.  “But you keep telling us how much like twins we are.  If Matilda gets to wear makeup then why can’t I?” was Rachael’s’ final argument.

Mom went over and knelt down next to the chair where Rachael was.  “You’re right, Sweetheart.  You two are almost twins.  I’ll tell you what.  You help Matilda learn to be the best girl she can be and for Mary Beth’s birthday party you can both wear makeup.”  Mom knew that Rachael would help me all she could anyway, but that would make her feel so much more a part of what was going on.  Rachael smiled from ear to ear and gave Mom a huge hug.

“You bet, Mom.  We want Matilda to be the very best girl at the party,” Rachael said as she was hugging Mom.

Just then, Susan came back in with several dresses hung over one arm and a bag in the other hand.

“I hope that something here works for you Matilda.”  She said as she crossed to where I was sitting.  Susan wasn’t really paying attention, because of the armload of clothes she was carrying.  “WOW!  Matilda you look great!” she said when she stopped and looked at me.  “I can see that two of these dresses are definitely out.  They are too dark and plain.”  She started sorting through the dresses she had brought over.  “Hum, why don’t you try this one on?”  She held up a long blue satin dress with a lace overlay across the bodice, puffy sleeves and a shear over skirt.  It had a sewn in petticoat so it was puffy just hanging by itself.  I could just imagine how it would look on me.

“OH THAT’S BEAUTIFUL!”  I almost shouted as I hopped out of the chair.  “Where can I go to try it on?” I asked excitedly.

“What’s wrong with right here?”  Mom asked, “There’s nobody here but us girls.”

I’m sure I turned three different shades of red, as Mom was giggling.

“B – B – But Mom.   You know that I’ve never changed clothes with anyone else around before,” I whispered softly.

“That’s all right, Matilda,” said Mrs. Reynolds.  “You can use the restroom to change your clothes.  Honestly Edith, stop teasing the girl like that.”

Both Mom and Mrs. Reynolds were giggling now.

“Here let’s take your wig off so you can take off that T-shirt first.  Then you can go change into the dress.  It has buttons all the way down the back so one of us will have to help you with them when you come out,” said Mrs. Reynolds, as she took out the bobby pins holding the wig to my hair and lifted it off.

I quickly took off the T-shirt, suddenly revealing the pink lace vest I was wearing.

Rachael whistled at me teasingly.

“Oh, hush up, Sis, you’re just jealous.” I told her as I picked up the dress and went into change.  I hung the dress on the hook that was on the back of the door.  Quickly I kicked off my sneakers and dropped my jeans.  I took down the dress and stepped into it, gently pulling the waist up around my waist.  I carefully put my arms through the sleeves, one at a time, pulling each shoulder up into place.  Suddenly I was in heaven.  It felt so soft, elegant actually.  I had never worn anything that seemed so . . . perfect.  I was right about how the skirts would flare out with the sewn in petticoat.  I simply loved this dress.  I was gently caressing the dress, drifting off into another world, when there was a knock at the door pulling me out of my dream world.

“Is everything okay in there?” Mom asked.

I opened the door slowly.  “Sorry Mom.  Yes, everything’s okay.  As a matter of fact, everything is just wonderful.”  I said as I stepped out.  Mom did the buttons up the back of the dress and Mrs. Reynolds brought my wig over and set it back on my head.  Mrs. Reynolds took one of my hands, and Mom took my other and they led me back out the main room.

The magazine that Rachael was reading fell to the floor.  Susan dropped the shoes and socks she was holding.  They both had their mouths open about a foot.

“She’s gorgeous!” Susan finally said.

“Mom, am I going to look that good in two years?” Rachael asked.

“Oh stop it you two,” I said.

Mom and Mrs. Reynolds were giggling as they turned me around so I could see myself in the full-length mirror behind me.

The next thing I remember is being held in my Mother’s arms as she was gently trying to get me to wake up.  Slowly I came around and opened my eyes to see a worried look on her face.

“What happened?” I asked.

“You fainted, Dear.”

“I what?”

“You fainted.”

“Mom, who was that girl standing between you and Mrs. Reynolds?”

“That was you Matilda.  Don’t you remember?  You came out of the restroom, I did up the buttons on the back of the dress and Amanda put your wig back on and we walked you out.  Then you saw your reflection in the mirror and you fainted.”  Mom said

“But, that can’t be . . .” I said slowly as everything started to come back into my mind.

I’m not sure, but I think I blacked out again.  I remember that my mother was still holding me, but everyone else suddenly changed places.

“Well, hello again,” Mom said.  I looked up at her and she was smiling down at me.  “If you don’t stop that, I am going to put a stop to this whole thing right now.  I can’t have you passing out every few minutes.”

I tried to get up, but Mom held me tightly.  “Oh no you don’t, young lady.  You’re not going anywhere until Jill has had a chance to talk with you,” she said, “You're especially not going anywhere that has mirrors.”

“Jill is coming here?” I asked.

“That’s right.   When you fainted, I picked you up and brought you in here.  After you blacked out the second time, I had Amanda call Jill.  She’ll be here in about fifteen minutes.  While we’re waiting I think we should get your feet dressed.”  Mom said, motioning for Rachael to bring over the anklets and shoes that Susan had brought over with the dress.  As I sat on Mom’s lap Rachael took off my tube socks and put on some white anklets with blue lace.  Then she slipped a pair of white Mary Jane’s onto my feet, which had about an inch and a half heel.

“Thank you Rachael,” I said sincerely, not sure, if I would have been able to do that myself as I was still shaken a little by recent events.

“Hey, no problem, Sis, glad to help out.  Just remember, you may be the pretty one, but I’ve got the brains,” Rachael said while giggling.

“That’s enough of that Rachael.  Now go and get changed,” Mom told her with a giggle.

“Changed for what?” I asked Mom.

“Amanda and I thought it would be fun to play a little trick on Jill.  Being that she has never seen Rachael and how much alike you two are.  We are having Rachael change into the jeans and T-shirt that you were wearing.  Then Amanda is going to put a blond wig on her and do her makeup identical to yours.  When Jill gets here you, two will be sitting side by side.  It will be interesting to see which one of you Jill calls Matilda,” Mom explained, as Rachael was getting ready.

About ten minutes later Rachael was ready and she and I were sitting in the waiting room reading 'Seventeen.'  'Now was that wishful thinking or are we trying to rush things a bit.'

About five minutes later the door opened and Jill came in.  She saw Mom and Mrs. Reynolds first.  “Hello Edith, Amanda, where’s Matilda?”  Jill asked.

“She’s in the waiting room with her sister Rachael.  We thought it best to keep her away from any mirrors until you've had a chance to talk with her,” Mom said.

“Wise move.  Has she been alone since she fainted?” asked Jill.

“Not for a second.  They’re in here,” Mom said, as she led Jill into the waiting room.  Amanda was following close behind.

Jill took two steps into the waiting room and stopped dead in her tracks.  Rachael and I looked up as they came in and smiled at everyone.  Jill just looked at us for a few seconds, then looked over at Mom, and finally back at us.  Jill studied us both for a few more seconds before moving.

Then she stood in front of Rachael.  “Matilda?” she questioned.

Slowly I raised my right hand.  “I’m ... over here,” I said softly.

Jill sat down quickly, on the only thing available, the table with the magazines.  I don’t think she could have made it to a chair.  She looked at me, then at Rachael, then at me again.  All the time she was shaking her head.

“I’ve been set up,” Jill finally said as she turned to look at Mom and Mrs. Reynolds.

They couldn’t keep themselves from laughing any longer, as they both broke into hysterical laughter.

“You were indeed,” Mom said between bouts of laughter.

“Well.  I don’t think we need to worry about anyone thinking that Matilda is a boy,” Jill said as she continued shaking her head.

“There was an emergency here wasn’t there?  You didn’t call me away from another patient just to confuse me, did you?”  Jill said, still suffering from shock and amazement at how I looked.

“Yes Jill there is.  Like I told you on the phone, when Matilda saw herself in the mirror she curled up her toes and blacked out.  If Edith and I had not been holding her hands she would have hit this tile floor pretty hard,” Mrs. Reynolds explained.

“Yes and after she blacked out the second time I didn’t want to take her anywhere.  I wanted her to talk with you before we left here,” Mom added.

“Excellent thinking, Edith.   Amanda, do you have an office or somewhere we could talk privately for a little while?” Jill asked.

“Of course, come this way.” Mrs. Reynolds started to lead us to her office, and then stopped suddenly.  “What do you want to do about the mirrors?” she asked Jill.

“Matilda,” Jill said as she turned and looked at me.  “Do you trust me?”

“Yeess,” I answered slowly.

“Please take my hand,” Jill said, and I did.  “Now Matilda, I want you to close your eyes and keep them closed until I tell you to open them.  I won’t let you get hurt in any way, okay dear?”

I looked into her eyes and I could see almost the same love for me that I have seen so many times in my Mother’s eyes.  I smiled at her, gave her both of my hands, and closed my eyes.

“That’s an answer!”  Jill said with a smile, as she led me to Mrs. Reynolds office.

We talked for almost an hour before coming out to see the others.  We were laughing and giggling as we came out.

“Is everything all right now?”  Mom asked.

“Yes Mom, everything is just fine,” I said as I went and looked at myself in the full-length mirror.  “It was just the first time I really saw myself as Matilda.  I guess Matt was trying to fight with me a little.  Well, all right Matt was fighting a lot.  That part of my personality was afraid that it was going to die.  Jill helped me to see that there aren’t two personalities fighting for control, but two sides of one personality.  There always have been two sides of me, one side of me that's Matt and one side of me that's Matilda.  There are always going to be two sides, but with some help from Jill we will both become stronger as a single individual."

“I think we need to have a party today!”  I said after looking at myself in the mirror, for more than just a few seconds.

“What’s the occasion?”  Rachael asked cheerfully.

I smiled as I turned around to face everyone, then I held both arms out wide.

“We need a party,” I said confidently, “Because it’s August 15th. That makes today Matilda’s Birthday!”

Mom and Rachael rushed into my open arms.  Jill and Mrs. Reynolds just stood back and applauded.

“Well Edith, with this morning’s excitement, are you going to be able to see Ellen Hansen today?”  Jill asked, after things settled down.

“Oh, no, not today, I think we are just going to get some lunch and do a little shopping and call it a day.  Chuck and Karen usually get home about 4:00 p.m. and David gets home about 5:30.  We need to be home with everything hidden away before 4:00,” Mom told Jill.

“Very well Edith.  I'll call Ellen and tell her to expect you about 9:30 tomorrow morning, is that time okay?”  Jill asked.  Mom just nodded.  Jill said goodbye to us all as she left.

“Well we had better be running along, too.  Amanda, this has truly been an eye opening experience as well as a genuine pleasure.”  Mom told Mrs. Reynolds.  “What do we owe you for your services today?”

“Edith, the first time is on me.  Like I said, there are a lot of us around who are willing to help.  You be sure to bring them both back a week from Friday and I’ll spruce up Matilda’s wig and I’ll do something nice with Rachael’s hair as well,” said Mrs. Reynolds with a smile.

“Amanda we couldn’t.  That wig alone . . .,” Mom was saying as Mrs. Reynolds interrupted.

“Edith, please.  This is how I help others.  Don’t deny me the privilege of helping this beautiful young girl find herself.  Nothing brings me greater joy than helping others, like ourselves, discover there true self,” said Mrs. Reynolds.  “Besides, the expenses for you are just beginning.  Matilda needs makeup and a completely new wardrobe.  By the way, here is a list telling you what colors we used today that looked good on Matilda.  Most cosmetic counters should have these shades by several different manufactures.”

“Oh Amanda, you’re an angel,” Mom said.

“No, but I know one.  If you are ever traveling around the Georgia area let me know and I will arrange for you to meet a true angel, Angel O’Hare.”  Mrs. Reynolds said, with a far away look that told you she was remembering a very dear friend.

With that, we said our good byes and left.  I couldn’t believe how different things looked; the whole world seemed brighter and more cheerful.  ‘I’m outside for the first time, I’m wearing an absolutely, beautiful dress; this is such a beautiful world. I’m going out to lunch with my mother and sister.  Then we’re going shopping together.’  At that moment there couldn’t have been a happier girl in this whole city.

As we were riding, Rachael was talking about . . . something.  I just wasn’t paying attention.  I was too busy, as I realized how lovely the trees were, and how sweetly the birds were singing, how fluffy the clouds were, how beautiful the whole world is.

That is until we pulled into the parking terrace at the Crossroads Plaza and got out of the car.  Suddenly I couldn’t move.  I was five feet away from the safety of our car and I couldn’t move.

“Matilda, what’s the matter dear?”  Mom asked as she came back to where I was standing.

“M – M – M – Mom, t – t – there are other p – p – people here!”  I stammered.

“Well of course there are other people here.  It’s the Crossroads mall.  We’ve been here hundreds of times.  You know this mall well,” Mom said as she took my hand, trying to coax me into moving.

“Y – Y – Yes, b – but not as M – M – Matilda!”  I stuttered.  “E – Every one will k - know.”

“So that’s it.  You’re afraid that someone will recognize you.”

I just nodded my head. 

“Are you telling me that it's okay to be Matilda at home, or at Mrs. Reynolds, but not out in public?” Mom asked.  All I could do was look up at her.

 Mom got down on one knee, took my face between her hands and looked into my eyes.

“Matilda, listen to me carefully.  Is it okay for Rachael to come here in a dress?” Mom asked me gently, well of course, I nodded.  “Well then, is it okay for Rachael to come here in pants?” again, I nodded.  “Well can I come here in a dress or pants?” once again I nodded.  “Well then it stands to reason that if Rachael and I can come to the mall in either a dress or pants, then you should be able to come here in either pants or a dress, right?”  At that I didn’t nod, I just looked scared.

“Listen to me, Matilda.  No one here is going to see you as anything but a young lady, a very beautiful young lady.  Remember, even Jill didn’t know who you were.  Really, no one here is going to see you as anything but the lovely young lady that you are.  That is, unless you give them reason to by acting out of place.  Most of the people here are so busy with their own lives that they won’t even notice the three of us.  Now you said this morning that you are Matilda and that’s who you want to be.  Then again at Mrs. Reynolds’s you reaffirmed that you are Matilda when you declared today as Matilda's Birthday.  Now Matilda is a girl and you are going to spend the next two weeks learning what it means to be a girl.   Now this is lesson number one.  All girls love to shop.  Now I want you to take my hand and we're going into the mall.  We are going to get some lunch and celebrate ‘Matilda’s Birthday.’  Then we are going to get you your make up and get you some new clothes.  Rachael and I will be with you all the time, so just relax, have fun, and try to think like a girl.”

Mom stood up, smiled at me and offered me her hand.  Gently I put my hand in hers and tried to smile back.

“Don’t worry, Sis.  Everything is going to be just fine, you’ll see,” Rachael said as she gave me a hug.  With that, she took my other hand and we started towards the main entrance.

We went into the mall and up to the food court on the second floor, where we got lunch at Panda Express.  I was starting to relax a little bit, as I was enjoying my food.  Mom knew that Panda Express was my favorite.  As we were finishing, I realized that there was a problem that would have to be address fairly soon.

“Mom, umm, can we go home now?”  I leaned over to Mom and whispered.

“But Matilda, we haven’t gotten your make up or clothes yet,” she replied.

“But I, umm, really need to go home now,” I said quietly.

“What’s the problem?” Mom asked.

“I need to go to the umm . . . I need to go to the bathroom,” I whispered.

“Well dear that happens to everyone from time to time.  You can’t go running home every time you need to go to the bathroom.  The public restrooms are just around the corner.  We’ll stop there before going to Dillard’s for your make up, then on to The Children’s Place to look at some dresses.  We will look at GapKids and Gymboree for some everyday clothes,” Mom said as she was planning the afternoon.

“But Mom I can’t use the men’s room dressed like this” I whispered.

“Matilda!  Shame on you, thinking such thoughts.  No daughter of mine would even consider using the men’s room,” Mom said with a smile.

“But Mom . . .” I started to say.

“But nothing Matilda!  The three of us will go into the lady’s restroom.  You will find an empty stall, go in, close and latch the door, lift your skirt, lower your panties, sit down and take care of whatever business needs to be taken care of.  After you are finished, and you have cleaned yourself appropriately, you will pull up your panties, smooth out your skirt, then unlatch the door and come out.  Rachael and I will be waiting for you.  Can I assume that you remember where all the parts are, that you don’t need an anatomy lesson?” Mom giggled at the last comment, but it had the desired result.  I started to relax a little.

Well, we did exactly what Mom said.  Fortunately, there were only two other ladies in the restroom.  Nobody even took a second look at me as we went in to the restroom, but I was so nervous I almost wet myself before I got into the stall.  After I was finished I went out, Mom made sure that my skirt was hanging straight and I washed up, them we left the restroom.  Mom stopped at the first bench we came to and we all sat down.

“Matilda,” Mom said as she put an arm around me.  “I know that was frightening for you but there was just no way around it.  As a girl, you will use the ladies restroom.”

“I know Mom.  It's just that everything is hitting me all at once.  I’m just not sure I am ready for all of this, but I guess that doesn’t matter, does it?  You keep on teaching and I'll do my best to learn,” I said, although I was just a little nervous.

Mom hugged me for a minute or two until I was feeling a little more relaxed.  “Are you ready to go on Dear?” she asked.

I forced a smile and nodded

We went into Dillard’s to the cosmetic counter where Mom got everything that was on Mrs. Reynolds list.  She got a couple of things for herself as well.  Rachael and I just stood back and chatted between our selves.  Then we went to GapKids and got me a couple of skirts and tops.  I got a light blue pleated skirt and a red plaid pleated skirt, which both went to just below my knee.  I wanted them shorter, but Mom said that as I grow they would get shorter.  We also got two blouses, one light blue and one white with a Peter Pan collar with a little bit of lace around the collar.  Nothing very fancy, but nice.  We went to The Children’s Place looking for a party dress for Rachael and myself but we didn’t see anything we liked.  Mom said we would look somewhere else another day.  One of the sales people said that the dress I was wearing looked like a “Flower Girls” dress and that we should try some bridal shops.  We thanked her for her help, but had to hurry home.  It was almost 3:15 before we left the mall and we had to drive ten minutes to get home.  We still had to get me changed, make up removed and everything put away before Chuck or Karen got home.  ‘Changing back and forth from Matt, to Matilda and back to Matt again each day is going to become very tiresome’ I realized.

Tomorrow is another day, what does it have in store for me.

What will this day be like,

I wonder?

What will my future be,

I wonder?

*** To be continued ***