Beth and I headed over to hers and she got changed. We messed around for a bit and then headed off to meet up with Matt. We had arranged to go grab some food and then catch a film and then see what happened after that. Matt and Beth hit it off quite well, which was kind of weird. We all headed to the quiet area where Matt and I went on our first date. I was never in a million years expecting what happened next to happen. And I am not going to go into too much detail, let’s just say it was the first time I had experienced a threesome of sorts.
The next week at school was a wind down, over summer homework was set by some teachers and a few fun things to do. I had worked a couple of nights after school at the pub, spent time with Matt, spent time with Beth both as James and as Jess. My double life that week seemed to be rather manageable. Friday was the last day of school and we finished early, Matt and I went back to his and spent some time alone.
For the next couple of weeks I was working at the pub with Beth, spending a couple of nights with Matt, and the rest with Beth as either Jess or James. Then it all came crashing down. Matt had decided it wasn’t what he wanted, he couldn’t cope with knowing the truth and pretending, I was kind of gutted, but I figured I still had Beth and she was the one the mattered most.
The rest of the summer holidays was just work work work, I saved up all my money apart from the bits and bobs I bought to keep Jess alive for those precious few weeks. And then it was all over. It was time to become James again and head off to Sixth Form. Beth and I stayed together and I would go as far as saying that Jess made our relationship a lot stronger. I would occasionally dress up as Jess for the fun of it, but there was no real reason to do it.
AS level work took precedent and I was learning to drive so the money I had made as Jess was soon spent on that and a crappy car. I needed to get a job, I found job in the corner shop just down the road from where I lived, it was only weekend work, but that was all I needed to pay for the fuel for my little red Nissan Micra.
So, I guess I should reveal how Lucy got on with her Uni application, she got in, not only did she get in, but she got into the best Uni she could have hoped for. And I should probably reveal that I haven’t been as honest as I should have been. Jess made more of an appearance than I have made out. In fact, I never stopped wearing the gaff that Lucy had bought me, I got so used to the feeling of it I kept it on. I occasionally wore girls clothes under hoodys, and I generally wore girls underwear. I was never caught out, I was always careful. Not even Beth noticed.
After I started driving I had a little bit more freedom, so when Beth wasn’t able to spend time with me on a weekend I would get in my car and go for a drive, I would stop somewhere with public loos and get dressed up as Jess, I’d then go off and go shopping or what ever. I loved the thrill of it, I could pass as a Jess easily, so why shouldn’t I go and do it? I joined some online groups for cross-dressers, and met a few of them over the next few months. I even went out on nights out, and I was regularly mistaken for a real girl amongst the others.
Over the first summer of Sixth Form things really changed. I had been growing my hair since first becoming Jess, but it always remained boyish. Then I talked to Beth about how I was missing being Jess, how I missed being pretty, and how I missed the clothes. We spent hours and hours over the first few weeks of summer talking through things and what I could do. I was confused, scared and even more scared that I could end up alone if Beth got freaked.
I had to make a choice, was I James or was I Jess? I fitted in as Jess more than I fitted in the world as James. I phoned up Lucy in tears.
“Luce, I really need your help and...”, I couldn’t continue, I just blubbered down the phone.
“James, what is wrong? Come on.”, Lucy replied in a tone that reassured me a little.
“I’m confused. I’m really confused.’, I continued, “I miss being Jess. I really miss it. I miss the clothes, the makeup, the flirting with boys, the attention, all of it. I don’t know what to do”
“You could just become her”, Lucy’s reply was very short.
Neither of us said anything for a few seconds, but it felt like hours.
“What do you...?”, I replied
“I mean exactly that James.”, Lucy continued, “You could go to the Drs, you could talk to them about the possibilities of going on hormones and becoming Jess for real. Look, I was never expecting you to adjust to the experiment as much as you did. I most certainly didn’t expect you to become attracted to guys.”
“I’m more attracted to girls.”, I made clear to Lucy.
“Yea, ok, whatever. Look, what I am saying is you can become as real as a woman as you like you know? It’s not unheard of.”
Our conversation lasted about half an hour. We talked about the pros and cons, and in the end I agreed to try the talking to my GP.
So here I am, at the end of sixth form, about to start my final exams. I’ve been on hormones for the past 8 months. I’m still living as James most of the time, only I have to wear baggy hoodies and jeans to cover my new physique. Beth and I are still together, she has been the rock I have needed. We have booked a little trip away once our exams are over and the summer holidays have started. James won’t be around, I will spend the entire trip away as Jess. Beth seems more excited about it than me.
I found a small handwritten letter from Beth a couple of days ago, here it is:
I love you very much, but there are a few things that have obviously changed in the past few years. Don’t take this letter the wrong way, really there is nothing but positive in here and I will try to keep things as simple as possible.
The more time I spend with Jess the more time I want to spend less time with James. I think everything that has happened with us has made me fall for Jess more and more in love with her than I ever was with James.
You really have made the best decision, and I love you very much.
PS. So looking forward to the fun times on holiday ;)”
When we come back from our trip away, James will no longer be around. Beth and I will be girlfriends, and I will be living full time as a girl.
After everything that I have gone through, I have my dearest sister to thank. I have never felt so happy.
I will make a few updates as things go on.
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